I'm just sad right now.. sooo tired, had a hard night at work. Last night, Manuel decided to have a party, because he finished his last exam. (whee! Good on u manu!) Anyway, I was royally stressed out and kinda ran away from the whole thing... I had a crap as day yesterday. I had to get up at 2 to look at a flat, which prooved to be crap as usual, and because I didn't sleep enough I was too tired to study after I got back and decided to sleep. Woke up at 7pm and didn't get to do any studying again because of the party, on top of that all the ppl were giving me a hard time for working, saying that I was boring and that I should call in sick, and saying that I should give a fuck about this exam.. I am so stressed about this exam! the lecturer has a way of twisting the words in the questions so that I don't really know what it is he is asking for.. it is making me unsure and I cannot bring my dictionary because It doesn't do any good anyway.. So I ran away from the party. the whole day was whasted... Mark has left me in the search for the apartment.. I'm sick of the whole hunt now and will put it on hold till tuesday. I don't have time for this shit! Ahh....
On a brighter note:
I have confidence in this world now. It came to me on the bus. I suppose it was almost like a religious thing... suddenly, watching a traffic light on victoria street, I felt at home again. Not in Wellington(although this does feel like my home right now) but in the world. The world holds my soul at the moment, and I feel confident that anything I need will be given to me at the appropriate time, although I won't necessarily recognise it at once.. Sometime I miss having a religion to cling to, but then I have one of these moments, and it comes to me that I do have a religion. I do have a set of beliefs, I do believe in things that cannot be proved, but still it feels sooo obvious to me. It's good to have a purpose.
No regrets.
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