Cape Palliser

Soundtrack: Red Hot Chili Peppers - ...

I have news: I am NOT going out at all this weekend. Quite frankly, I'm too tired today, have had a long and eventful day. We (Me, Manuel, Peter and Lene) went for a daytrip to Cape Palliser, and had a joyous picnic among the seals. It was totally awesome, and once again I've managed to get a sunburn.. whay! This summer could prove to be quite a challenge for me I think..
Have to sleep now... sooooo tired. Couldn't sleep last night; heat, nightmares, strong winds, high heartrate... weird combination. Hopefully tonight I'll fall asleep witout complications. And tomorrow: More national parks! workworkwork! last day of the "holiday!"

Felicia!

I DID collect stamps! And glittered images, and notebooks, and stickers of various kinds, and napkins, and phonecards, and little stuffed animals that can clip onto stuff, and paperclips and hats and keychains (!), and Marbles!! yeah, and ponies, and ROCKS (I still do, actually lol), and those cards that you get when you graduate at home (russekort), and the kinder-surprise toys, and pencils/pens, newspaperclippings of my fav band, pins, postcards and letters from my 1000 penfriends haha... and magazines.. and I'm sure that I'm forgetting already lots of things that I tried to collect but never worked out. That's insane... my whole childhood I've been collecting useless stuff. No wonder my mum is begging me to throw away stuff every time I'm home.
It is actually quite nice to look back at my childhood and realise that I've been confused the whole time, it's not new at all!

Which is worse? not being able to verify, or verifying a negative?
I'm glad that some stories have a happy ending.

I'm starting to worry that my nightly trips to the botanical garden and the waterfront are not too safe ventures.. I'm good at worrying nowadays. I worry about the wellbeing of my friends more and more, even though it is not beneficial in any way. I worry that they might not eat properly, that they're depressed with schoolwork, that they make it safe home from town in the weekend...
I'm worried about my grandmother, whether she will stay alive until I come home, and then if she does get better I am worried about how I can make a difference in her life, improve her quality of life. It's quite a selfish thought to just think that she will be at peace when she goes, something should be done to make her feel at peace before she goes. And I don't know how I can do that from here. I used to be good at writing letters for her and I always remember to send her cards for xmas and stuff, but then it was brought to my attention by my uncle that she never reads them, and she never opens her mail. Since then I kinda gave up, and now it may be too late. Creative thinking - - creative thinking. No use in embracing all this negative energy, I'll let go


I distinctly remember giving this advice to a friend some years ago: The world will take care of itself if only I let it. Why can't I embrace that thought right now? Getting out of town next weekend will be good. I need to wash off all this noise and stuff, will be awesome I think.

boing whee

Soundtrack: Prodigy - out of space

uh oh... it seems I've lost my landline. I guess I do need some time away from the city... Today it seems that my brain is separate from my body, at least they cannot co-operate for long stretches of time. Strange... usually this happens when I want to get away from something or a situation.. Yeah, I think I do. I'm not comfortable in my head at all today, there's too much BS going on and I don't have too much control, which is probably why I just wish I was somewhere or someone else. I should run away from home :) Too bad I'm not dressed well enough to do that.

Dinnerparty and picnic.

Soundtrack: Yo Yo Ma: Bach - 6 suites for unac. Cello

Funny how so much of and average person's social-life relies on food..

Monday we had a huge dinnerparty here, something that was just going to be the three of us flatties plus three more ppl turned into twelve people during the course of the evening... And still we would have had food enough for at least five more people. Talk about overdoing it. It was nice though, getting a bunch of current and old flatties over.


Then on Wednesday I had my first picnic this year (weird eh.. considering we're eager picnicers) with Peter at Lyall Bay. He is a nice guy, reminds me a lot of René for some reason, so naturally I adore him. :) It was nice to sit at the beach, listening to the waves and talking about all kinds of stuff. The consequence: I've got a sunburn! It's not even spring yet! Something tells me that my SPF 130 will come in handy this summer.. ahem.
Today I've actually done some work. I know, it's pretty unbelievable, but I've been industrious and have been able to start my first assignment and am well on the way. Yay! Can't wait for Mozart on Saturday!

what really matters in life

I learned an important life lesson today:
Never try to swallow your spit before the drink when you already have started the process of drinking.... Just do it all in once.
What happens is:
You confuse the two processes because they feel like two separate processes, when in fact they are two consecutive parts of the same process. The result: Wrong pipe. This can be very embarassing when carried out in a computer lab full of people who are there DURING THE HOLIDAY writing away at essays when they could have been at home in bed sleeping. Not to mention the fact that you have to go all the way to the toilet to get paper to wipe all the energy drink off the computerscreen...


My grandmother is on the mend again.. which feels a bit confusing as I've already invested quite some time in feeling down and being unfocused on my work. I still don't know how things are though, whether she is really on the mend or just hanging in there. Time will show now I guess.

...

I just wanna whine and whine, but who cares.. probably no one even reads this shit. Seems like everything I touch turns to gold these days, and all the while I'm just thinking what's the point of it all? Everything comes to an end. I'm tired. I sleep so much these days, and still all I feel like doing is sleep some more. I want to socialise, but can't think of what to say. I'm starting to hate people who say "Hey how are you" but actually don't want to know. And I hate myself for feeling down when all I really want to do is to be happy and do silly things like I usually do... I'm sure my friends find me super boring like this, heaven knows I find myself boring. Just as I found my groove again life happens.


I'll get through.
I'm gonna climb that tree in the garden some day soon. Maybe spring is not so far away, then the roses will start to bloom.

My grandmother is dying. My mother urged me to call home today, and she sais that my grandmother is sick, and won't make it this time. My grandmother wants to die.

It is breaking my heart that I can't be there to send her off, my insurance company won't cover the cost because she is 79, and they only cover grandparents that are under 75. I'll dump them next year and find someone else I think. Wankers.

I don't expect much from anyone. I know that it's weird to have your friend feel down without being able to do something about it, that's just life guys. Please don't walk on eggshells around me though, I don't wanna feel like a freak, I hate it how people can act like grief is an unnatural thing. Expect me to be a bit unstabile for a couple of days at least...

God reise, Mormor. Hils til Morfar.

I found it again

sometimes it feels as though I'm losig myself, but the storm is now oficially over! My calm is back. No more uncertainty, no more homesickness, no more sleepless nights. YES!I'm back in the game.

Drunk Happy Tina is at large again!

u guys would not believe this... or maybe you would. I decided that it was time to go, bcause I'm kinda loosing mysekf here, And Kristian insists on bringing me home! It is very nice of him, I think at home noone would careif a girl decided to go home alone. He walked me all the way hoe, like, 2 km(!) from shitty okei's to staffor, which was lucky or I would end up doing something that I really wasn't up for at all, I am sure. funny,.. I could get used to the courtesy of the foreigners, I quite like it, iin fact.
Had a good day, had Icecream wiht Anette, and then a reallu weird start of teh night, was going to go to Tarz' place but just couldn't find my way!! It was far off, I suppose it would have been better to start thgerem rather than to try and find it after drikign... I must say, this catholic church nxt to stafford, it si ringin the bell evry hour, and I'm beginning to like it. I know now when It's fullhoiw, because the bell is ringing. :)
Es friert mich.. Jtzt geh ich ins Btt.

natta. Gla i dåke alle. Klem Tina

Soundtrack: Imogen Heap - Hide and seek

What is it about some people that makes them want to create an environment of uncertainty and disharmony? I am always trying to understand the motivation behind people's actions, but sometimes I am at loss.. I had an incident yesterday that felt really degrading. I didn't even know until I woke up this morning that I cared... but sometimes things happen that I don't understand and that I can't find any logic in, no matter how hard I try. Usually I am reasonably able to put myself into other's situation...

Overslept this morning, BUT, I didn't do it on purpose! First time this year. Goodness gracious me, what have I become..
Drifing back and forth these days in all things, such as my perspective on the world and myself, the aftereffect of lots of mixed up feelings about all sorts of stuff and persons, I'm a thoroughly confused girl this weekend I think. Desto more exciting. Come 5pm tomorrow I'll not only be confused, but also bruised al over if all goes according to plan. Nothing like shooting the crap outta your friends and some random people to keep sane from time to time. (Paintball). Going to my friend Tarz' party tomorrow I think, kinda feel like catching up with that lot.

I will go photoshooting on Saturday! The weather WILL BE NICE! My poor neglected camera is screaming for attention..

gurker och fogelbaisa!

I am sure now that I'm fire. Earth stabilises me, air gives me power and water calms me down. Really.. I was feeling all wired up yesterday, and went down to the waterfront to calm down (as usual... some ppl must think that I live down there). There I had this epiphany.

Just finished my essay 2 minutes ago... still feel sick after the weekend... now have to hurry down, hand it in, hurry back home and write my german assignment.. *sigh*
Being lazy is sometimes a real curse.

ET sais: "oouch"
I totally agree.

Another day... and another one tomorrow.. and so on

Soundtrack: The Doors - Yes, the river knows

I'm all alone, but I'm not lonely, because I'm in quite good company. I realise that my life is lived through music... for example: Today i woke up to the dance-beats of Alice Deejay- Better off alone. I Walked to school listening to Air - How does it make you feel. I Walked into town listening to Røyksopp, and got partially stood up by my friend Peter (although not really) listening to Sigur Ros. Went shopping with Jo thinking about Jazzanova's mix of Fat Freddy's "Flashback". I was drinking with Geeta listening to the new Black Seeds album, and have been studying with the Doors. Now Jim is getting older, and his voice more rusty, and I'm getting slowly more tired after this weird day.

I am still painfully homesick, my heart is bleeding for some strange reason, I don't have that much waiting for me at home but obviously a part of me still belongs there. Isn't it funny how we all move in cycles all the time? We're kinda predictable.. We're sad, then we get happy again, and then back down.. and up.. I'm homesick now and so on but I know that I'll be back to happy go lucky come the end of the week or maybe next week. Why does this knowledge not allow me to skip to the happy go lucky part?? Urettferdig. I don't feel lonely... In a way I'm just missing a small piece and have to find it again. I should go down to the water... that usually helps.
I know some of the things that I miss: I miss seeing spiders in the basement, and saving them from the wrath of my mother and stepfather who would kill them without a second though... I miss being able to see Deneb at the night sky, using the arrow in big dog to find it.. I miss some of my favourite trees, the hill, some things that never change and make me sure of the certainty of life... My parents... the moonlight (This city is too bright, it doesn't go proper dark in the night)... Rain and wind, when the weather is absolutely dreadful but I know that I'll be warm inside the house... The midnight sun in the summer and the northern light in the winter... blablaBLA. Listen to me going on and on. I miss the grey book!

Cravings..

It is incredible how much sweets a woman can eat at certain points of the month! Just today I've gobbeled my way through some bee balls, a small package of m&ms, a milo bar, l&p (about half a litre), almost a whole package of pods and quite a few starburst fruit burst caramels.... I now feel quite sick. I think I have managed to calm down the beast inside that keeps screaming for more sweets, and finally can rest a bit. Trying to write my essay, and I'm slowly making some progress... I even get writer's block writing this entry right now, sure sign to get back to work!